Had to buy so many new pairs of pants I could"ve bought five copies of the game.
10/10.
要不是因為錢都砸在買內褲上了，我還能再買5份遊戲。滿分。
Finished Outlast.
Finished Amnesia.
Finished Slender without blinking.
Scared ????less to the point where I can"t finish Alien Isolation.
Brown Pants/10 would never play it in the dark again.
想當年，勞資
速通逃生，
秒過失憶症，
談笑間通瘦長鬼影，
然而卻卡在異形隔離這兒，嚇爆翔
我以屎色的內褲發誓，再也不敢關燈裝逼了。。
In space, no one can hear you scream.
My neighbours can, however, and have made several noise complaints.
在太空中，沒人能聽到你的嘶喊（異形的經典影評）。
然而我的鄰居能聽見我的鬼哭狼嚎，就差報警了。
Hide. Run. Hide. Run. Distract. Shit yourself. Repeat. One of the best games I"ve player so far (and finished) and the best Alien game ever made.
躲，跑路，嚇出翔；再躲，繼續跑，又一身翔，整個遊戲如此往複。這是我目前玩過最棒的異形主題遊戲。
The Talos Principal (塔洛斯原理)
（顛覆你世界觀、人生觀、價值觀的燒腦解謎遊戲，類Portal 2）
If you like Portal, you will like this game! If you study philosophy, you will like this game! If you study math, you will like this game! If you study religion, you will like this game! If you study physics, you will like this game! .... If you play CoD, you will die. Slowly.
*a terminal in the game asks me to prove that i am a human or not* *looks at bedroom mirror* *closes laptop* *lie down on the floor* *thinking about my existence*
A computer terminal in the game asked me why I wanted so much to prove I"m human. I spent like 10 minutes thinking, unable to answer. Thought this was just puzzles, ended up on one of the most philosophical rides a game has ever taken me. 10/10
This game makes you question everything. I"m not even sure if I"m a person anymore. 10/10 這遊戲讓你懷疑一切，我已無法確定自己還特么是不是人了。滿分
In the beginning were the words， and the words made the world. I am the words. The words are everything. Where the words end the world ends. You can not forward in an absence of space.
In the beginning were the words and the words made this review. I am the words. The words are everything. Where the words end this review ends. You will purchase this game or your death is assured. Repeat.
holy ???? they hired the devs of serious sam to make portal 3 天了嚕他們居然請英雄薩姆的開發者製作了傳送門3
I have yet to find one ???????ed cat in this ????ing game. The picture promised a ????ing cat, and there ain"t no ????? anywhere. 我特么到現在也沒逮到一隻喵星人，說好的貓咪呢？連根毛也沒找到（註：遊戲封面有隻貓）。
54 68 69 73 20 61 20 33 44 20 70 75 7a 7a 6c 65 20 67 61 6d 65 20 74 68 65 20 73 61 6d 65 20 77 61 79 20 74 68 61 74 20 50 6f 72 74 61 6c 20 77 61 73 20 61 20 70 75 7a 7a 6c 65 20 0a 0a 67 61 6d 65 2c 20 62 75 74 20 6d 6f 72 65 20 6c 61 73 65 72 73 20 61 6e 64 20 6c 65 73 73 20 6a 75 6d 70 69 6e 67 2e 20 53 77 65 65 74 20 21 0a 0a 49 20 6d 69 67 68 74 20 6c 65 61 72 6e 20 73 6f 6d 65 20 70 68 69 6c 6f 73 6f 70 68 79 20 68 65 72 65 2e 2e 2e 2e 20 61 6e 64 20 6d 61 6b 65 20 62 65 74 74 65 72 20 63 68 6f 69 63 65 73 20 0a 0a 66 6f 72 20 42 72 65 61 6b 66 61 73 74 20 66 6f 6f 64 2e 2e 2e 2e 0a 0a 4c 61 73 65 72 73 2c 20 6d 69 6e 65 73 2c 20 6b 65 79 73 2c 20 74 75 72 72 65 74 73 2c 20 63 6f 6d 70 75 74 65 72 73 2c 20 70 68 69 6c 6f 73 6f 70 68 79 2c 20 44 65 75 73 20 45 78 20 0a 0a 4d 61 63 68 69 6e 61 2e 20 47 6f 6f 64 20 54 69 6d 65 73 20 21 這個其實是Hex碼要轉換成ASCII，Hex to ASCII text converter，在此粘貼以上代碼得到以下文字（內容平淡，但這個逼給9分）： This a 3D puzzle game the same way that Portal was a puzzlegame, but more lasers and less jumping. Sweet ! I might learn some philosophy here.... and make better choices for Breakfast food.... Lasers, mines, keys, turrets, computers, philosophy, Deus Ex Machina. Good Times !
"You"re in a space between life and death. Before you can die, you must seek vengence upon the ones who wronged you."
"The Black Hand of Sauron?"
"No. The developers who cursed us with unskippable cutscenes and slow motion."
"How can we find them?"
"Start by interrogating those Uruks"
Talion jumps into action and kills the nearest Uruks. Seconds later, he"s interrogating the last member of the group.
"Talk, monster. Tell me what you know of the ones who cursed me."
"You have the curse of the unskippable cutscene? Hur hur hur."
"I wouldn"t laugh. I can rip the answers from your mind if I want."
"Oh. I"ll laugh, human. I"m laughing because we"re in a cutscene right now."
"What you say!!"
"Yes. It"s what I say... and you must listen to it. Right to the end... and watch... dramatic... camera... angles" , he finishes slowly.
"No! I can"t move! I need to get back to the fight!"
"Not until I"m done, you won"t."
"You fiend! As soon as I can control my body again, I"m going to kill you!"
"Then I"m afraid I"ll have the last laugh. Because I"m the last Uruk of my squad and if you kill me you"ll need to watch me die..."
"I think I can live with that."
"...in an unnecessarily long unskippable slow motion cutscene."
"Oh."
Talion thinks for a moment.
"On second thought, I"ll spare you today." He sheathes his sword. "Rejoin your masters but pray we never meet again."
The Uruk cowers and slinks away.
"What do you think, Clebrimbor?"
"We have what we need. From his insignia, I can see that he reports to Gragnok The Interruptor."
"The... uh... interruptor?"
"One of the enemy captains. From their titles you can tell what role an orc plays in orc society. Gragnok"s job is to..."
"I can guess."
"...exactly. Gragnok"s lair is to the north, but before we leave we must wait for this cutscene to finish."
"Wait, we"re in ANOTHER cutscene?"
"It would seem so."
"But I only had control of my body for... like... three seconds since the last one."
"Such is the way of the cursed."
"Is this going to happen a lot?"
"No. Only when you die, discover a new captain, kill an enemy, start a boss fight, unlock a new zone or... okay, yes. Yes, it happens a lot. Quite a lot."
Dont waste your time. Pros: - gets run when I click Play - Uninstall still works 別浪費時間了。 優點： - 點擊「開始遊戲」可以正常啟動 - 卸載流暢
缺點：（不翻了，你們多少都了解）
This game is the mostaccurate Detroit Simulator I have ever seen. 這是我見過最逼真的「底特律求生模擬遊戲「 （註：底特律城於2013年宣布破產，對就是美國的汽車之城，為了方便理解這個測評，附上幾張底特律近況，自行體會一下）。
Best game to try out thenew steam refund policy Steam最佳退款體驗遊戲
A real world apocalypse will occur before this game is complete. 末日以後，DayZ之前
Step 1. Pay $30 for Early Alpha Access Step 2. Ignore disappointment (it"s in early-alpha still, right?) Step 3. Hope Step 4. Wait until 2014 Step 5. Hope Step 6. Wait until 2015 Step 7. Early Alpha Access Step 8. Realize you got duped by Dean because he legally got all us scrubs to legally give him money he legally does not have to give back, but will once a year drop "improvements" to UI to make you think he"s not actually blowing all that money on d.r.u.g.s. Step 9. Hope? 1. 花30刀買A測 2. 無視差評，忽略Bugs（當年能玩上A測，夫復何求？） 3. 期待ing 4. 2014 5. 繼續等 6. 2015 7. 盼來了A測 8. 才發現，被Dean玩，昧心錢，已被斂；苦逼們，莫受騙，特么UI改善根本不算。 9. 是等呢，還是等呢，亦或是等？
Uh Not too sure what to write here so here『s a recipe for Pancakes instead Ingredients: 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 3 tablespoons sugar 1 tablespoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg 2 large eggs, at room temperature 1 1/4 cups milk, at room temperature 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus more as needed
Now to make it 1. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and nutmeg. 2. In another bowl, beat the eggs and then whisk in the milk and vanilla. 3. Melt the butter in a large cast iron skillet or griddle over medium heat. 4. Whisk the butter into the milk mixture. Add the wet ingredients to the flour mixture, and whisk until a thick batter is just formed 5. Keeping the skillet at medium heat, ladle about 1/4 cup of the batter onto the skillet, to make a pancake. Make 1 or 2 more pancakes, taking care to keep them evenly spaced apart. Cook, until bubbles break the surface of the pancakes, and the undersides are golden brown, about 2 minutes. Flip with a spatula and cook about 1 minute more on the second side. Serve immediately or transfer to a platter and cover loosely with foil to keep warm. Repeat with the remaining batter, adding more butter to the skillet as needed. 6. Procedure for adding fruit to pancakes: Once the bubbles break the surface of the pancakes, scatter the surface with sliced or diced fruit, or chocolate chips, nuts, etc. Flip with a spatula and cook for 1 minute more, being careful not to burn toppings.
System Requirements: A PC with some RAM, a video card, hard disk drive and a defibrillator. 遊戲配置： 隨便上一根內存條、顯卡、一點硬碟，再配個心臟起搏器。
Pros: Not scary when there"s no monsters nearby. Cons: There"s monsters everywhere. 優點：沒怪的時候倒也沒辣么驚悚。 缺點：到處是怪。
Yay, free stuff! Now the only money I will spend on this game will be on dry cleaning for my soiled underwear. 哈免費領的！現在唯一燒錢的事就是要不停換內褲。
I was constipated all week. Then i played this game. #Instantrelief 10/10 Would recommend this game to anyone with severe bowel movement disfuctions 曾連續便秘一星期， 偶然玩了這遊戲， 在廁所瞬間爆炸。
推薦給排便困難患者
I (c)rapped in my pants :c I forgot why.. Amnesia Confirmed 我內褲上居然有屎， 可我忘了原因 失憶症無疑
The best game to use when you have constipation, I didn"t even had to walk all the way to the toilet. recommended 便秘患者最佳藥物，我連去廁所都省了。
Play with your girlfriend, Result: Break up Play with your best friend, Result: Never speak to him again Play with bunch of newbies, Result: Start hating humans. Final Result: You find that you are an impatient human with psychopathic tendencies. 10/10 跟女朋友玩，分手； 跟好朋友玩，友盡； 跟菜逼們玩，厭世； 最終你發現，自己是個略顯變態的急性子。
How to destroy your friendship simulator. 10/10 友誼毀滅裝置。
I always play this game with my boyfriend, I recommend it , it"s so addicting. I also always want to murder him when it explodes(love you, baby) but this game rocks anyway. 10/10 我常和男朋友一起玩，強烈推薦這款遊戲，根本停不下來。每次只要拆彈失敗我就想殺了他。 I got PTSD and flashbacks whenever my alarm clock goes off in the mornings thanks to this game. Plz help/10. 這遊戲讓我得了創傷後應激障礙，每次床頭鬧鐘響的時候我都以為是炸彈要爆炸。絕對滿分。 誰來救救我。
Play with some friends. I no longer have friends. 10/10 would explode again. 我之前和朋友一起玩，現在玩到沒朋友了。誰想和我做朋友，我們一起爆炸。
I went to Bombmanual.com and now I am on a TSA Watchlist. 我常去拆彈指南官網，現在是運輸安全管理局的重點照顧對象。
-Playing with 2 friends over Skype -Another friend joins in -They think it"s a good idea to say "cut the blue wire" -I cut blue wire, and explode -I now have 1 fewer friends on Skype - 和兩個朋友用Skype語音合作 - 一會兒又進來一個 - 他們一致認為「剪藍線」 - 我剪了之後，爆炸身亡 - 已拉黑
Went to www.bombmanual.com and got flagged by the NSA. 10/10 would get SWATted again. 去了拆彈指南官網，回來就收到國家安全局警告。 目測還會被特種部隊查水表。
me: push and release immetiately release girlfriend: it glows blue me: i said immetiately release babe *strike* girlfriend: Thats what i did me: Nope, u keep it push girfriend: now it glows red me: i told yo immetiately release omg!!! *strike* Girlfriend: Are you calling me a lier? me: call down.... just hit it and release it really fast, son we can keep going. Girlfriend: Done, it glows white me: are you ????ing serious? *BOOOOM* 10/10 Would sleep in the couch again 我：按下後立即鬆開 女友：好的，現在綠燈在亮 我： 我說「按一下就鬆開」 好么？ 「啪」 女友：我就是這樣做的 我：才不是，你肯定一直按著沒鬆手 女友：好了現在是紅光 我：我跟你說多少遍了立即鬆手！！無語了！ 「啪」 女友：你居然敢懷疑我？ 我：沒有啦....寶貝你一會就用 快速手輕輕拍一下，想想扇我的時候，就這樣，然後我們就可以繼續繼續愉快地啪啪啪了呢 女友：行了行了，按過了，現在是白光 我：你他媽在玩老子是不？！ 「BOOOOM」
今晚又要睡沙發了。
待更
渣翻譯，見諒。不定期更新，看到有意思的就會搬過來。現在已經很長了 ===================================== Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition
「在廢土發現一個可愛的小女孩，VATS說我有0%的幾率打中（吸引）她。 10/10，太現實了」
================================== Fallout: New Vegas Ultimate Edition
"Stanley thought this game was amazing. He found the idea of multible endings quite enjoyable. So much so, in fact, that he scrolled up out of the reviews, and clicked the Add to Cart button." 史丹利覺得這遊戲吊炸天， 他發現多結局的主意相當過癮.正因為如此，實際上，他離開了評測，向上滾滑鼠，並點擊了添加至購物車按鈕 "Oh, perhaps you misunderstood. Stanley clicked the Add to Cart button." 哦，也許你誤解了.史丹利點擊了添加至購物車按鈕 "Stanley clicked on the Add to Cart button." 史丹利點擊了添加至購物車按鈕 "Are you even listening to me? STANLEY CLICKED THE ADD TO CART BUTTON!" 你到底聽沒聽我說話？史丹利點擊了添加至購物車按鈕！ "Fine, do whatever you want, Stanley, but you should have listened to me. Do you think I"m trying to trick you? Why would I do that? Are you that convinced I want you to waste your money? I"m serious, Stanley, this game is amazing. Now please, scroll up and click the Add to Cart button. I promise you"ll like it. 好吧，史丹利.你愛做什麼做什麼吧，但是你應該聽我的, 你以為我想騙你？為什麼我要那樣做？你是不是相信我要你浪費你的錢？我是很認真的，史丹利，這個遊戲非常的激動人心.現在，求你了，向上滾並點擊添加至購物車按鈕.我承諾你會喜歡的.
Opens laptop 打開筆記本 Opens steam 打開steam Opens outlast 打開逃生 Plays for 10 minutes 玩了10分鐘 Closes outlast 關掉逃生 Uninstalls outlast 卸載逃生 Uninstalls Steam 卸載steam Closes Laptop 合上筆記本 Smashes Laptop with giant hammer 用大鎚子砸爛筆記本 Stomps on it 在筆記本上使勁踩 Throws Laptop out the window 把筆記本從窗戶扔出去 Can"t sleep for 1 week 一周都不敢睡 Other than that 10/10 : ) 除以上所述外，可給滿分: ) （Chinaknight提供）
說點在微博上分享過的。 顯示一個小品遊戲，《Game Dev Tycoon》，經營遊戲公司做遊戲的遊戲。
Five years later Call of duty 17 Far cry 6 Need for speed 24 BF 7 Dota2 HD
Dayz early access
tomb raider 9
我玩過之後也是有這個槽點：
=================================== clicker heroes ——「A horrifying examination of human psychological weakness」 注意遊戲時間
=================================== play U (child of light 不過基本所有用到Uplay的都會有這類評測)
我大歐卡的 首先沒展開是這樣的
展開以後
感受一下老司機深沉的愛吧
我要提名一個冷門遊戲。。。Brick-Force。。宣傳語是「 If Minecraft and COD had a baby, it would look like Brickforce."（如果《我的世界》和COD有個孩子，那就會是Brickforce「... 讓我們先看看這個遊戲。。
嗯？多半差評？只有31%好評？
COD and Minecraft should have been aborted.（COD和我的世界當時就應該被流產呀。。。）
別著急，，不是還有31%的好評嗎，讓我們再看看這31%的好評都是怎麼推薦這款遊戲的。。
My friend forced me to play this, we are no longer friends.（我朋友逼著我玩這遊戲。我們再也不是朋友了。）
Wow! Amazing! Best Uninstall simulator I"ve ever seen!（哇哦！太驚人了！這是我見過最棒的卸載模擬器遊戲了！）
My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, "If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.". Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- "Don"t ever smoke. Please don"t put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because this game gave me cancer anyway.（我祖父一生都在吸煙。當我十歲的時候母親告訴他："如果你還想看到你孫子畢業，你就得早點把煙給戒了。」當他意識到已經多麼危險的時候，老淚縱橫。他很快就戒煙了。三年後他死於肺癌。這件事實在太過於悲傷，給了我沉重的打擊。母親告誡我：「永遠不要吸煙。請不要把你祖父帶給我們的那一切再在你的家庭里重演。」我答應了。我28歲了，從沒有碰過哪怕一根香煙。我必須得說，我有些後悔自己從沒有抽過煙了，因為玩了這個遊戲已經讓我得癌症了。）
我當時怎麼都沒想到居然遊戲測評可以這樣神轉折。。。。、
等等，看樣子好像終於有人要站出來支持這款遊戲了。。。 I don"t understand why people hate on this game so much, I think its pretty good.
For starters, I really enjoyed the amount of time I spent at the loading screen. It really built suspense for the game and heightened my excitement. Too many games nowadays just blaze through the load screen and it just kills the game for me.
I found the tutorial to be very helpful and necessary. Other computer games I play use a similar WASD configuration, but it feels *really* different for some reason on this game and was very worthy of explanation. It was also really important that the tutorial told us that the space key was jump - it would have taken me forever to figure that out. No other game that I"ve ever played uses the space key for jumping for some reason, even though it is a very large and very hittable key and it just feels really intuitive, so I hope other game developers take note.
Several times during the tutorial, I found myself being randomly disconnected on the server. This is by far the best feature in the game. Other games, like Team Fortress 2, waste several seconds waiting and determining if you are disconnected from the server. The problem though is I"m not a patient gamer - if there is even a nanosecond when I am not actually connected to the server, I want to know about it, and I want to be kicked off immediately. I don"t want to give the enemy the satisfaction of being able to shoot me while I can"t get away. Better yet, while in the tutorial, a disconnect from server meant re-starting the whole game. Who doesn"t like starting fresh?
I feel so honored to be able to play with 10-year old MLGs. Its not everyday you come across so many people who have so much skill at such a young age. And my weapons? Its great that they disappear so quickly... I always hated cleaning out my TF2 backpack. Now I can spend loads of time earning money to spend on weapons only to have them disappear on me - I love it.
Maybe one thing I didn"t really like about the game was how easy it was to accidentally hit the uninstall button. If this issue is fixed, I will give you the rating you deserve.*
*Warning: No numeric value currently known to mankind can accurately represent how *great* this game is. （真不知道怎麼會有這麼多人黑這款遊戲，我覺得這遊戲超棒的。 關於開始遊戲，我很享受卡在遊戲載入界面的這段時光。這不僅是支撐這款遊戲的靈魂，還激發了我的興奮感。現在太多遊戲在載入界面那兒閃一下就過去了，對於我來說簡直毀了整個遊戲。 我覺得這個遊戲的教學指導不僅很有幫助還很有必要。我玩的別的遊戲也是相似的使用了WASD的設置，不過在這款遊戲里出於某些原因確實很不同，而且非常值得說明。教學指導還告訴我空格鍵是跳躍——這實在太重要了，沒有教學指導我一輩子也不會發現這一點，雖說這個按鍵又大又很方便按，還很符合直覺。其他遊戲製作組真的應該向這款遊戲好好學習和借鑒！ 玩了幾次教學指導關卡，我發現自己隨機性地失去了遊戲連接。這是目前為止這個遊戲的最大亮點。別的遊戲，像什麼軍團要塞2，浪費了好幾秒等待和檢測你是否斷開了與伺服器的連接（並試圖重新連接伺服器），問題在於我可不是什麼耐心的玩家，哪怕我只是在一納秒鐘斷開了遊戲連接，我也想立刻知道這一點並被從伺服器里踢出。我可不想給敵人帶來在我斷開伺服器連接、在遊戲里動彈不得的時候盡情射殺我的滿足感呢。更贊的是，在教學指導關卡里，一旦失去與伺服器的連接就意味著重新開始整個遊戲。誰會不喜歡這種從零重新開始的感覺呢？ 能和一群10歲大的MLG（職業遊戲聯盟？隊友？）一起玩遊戲簡直是我的榮幸。能遇到一群這麼年輕就有這麼高的技術的小學生們，可不是簡簡單單就能碰到的機會呀。我的武器？它們經常一瞬間就突然消失了，這簡直不能更棒！我很討厭清空我軍團要塞2里的物品背包。現在我可以花很長時間攢錢買武器，然後看著它們在我身上突然消失——我超喜歡這種感覺。 也許關於這個遊戲我不太喜歡的一點就是。。。不小心誤觸卸載按鈕實在是太容易了。如果這一點被修正了，我一定會給你們打出當之無愧的評分。 警告：沒有任何一個人類已知的數字足夠反映這款遊戲多麼「偉大」。）
