致脫離耶證的朋友們(一）

致脫離耶證的朋友們(一）

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這篇文章是芭芭拉.安德森寫的，在她幾乎所有的生涯中，她為耶和華見證人組織服務（1954-1997，1982年至1992年在紐約布魯克林的守望台總部工作），甚至參與編寫了我們讀過的一些「警醒」雜誌的文章，在總部的寫作部工作期間，芭芭拉發現了守望台組織掩蓋了耶和華見證人犯下的兒童性騷擾。這個問題使她最終退出宗教。

在付出幾乎一生的歲月之後，你是否還有勇氣醒來，並踏出新生活的一步?

芭芭拉的一系列短文，與君參考共勉。

以下原文:附谷歌翻譯

I Believed I Would Never Die

There was a time when I believed I would never die. I literally thought that contrary to the experience of every human in history, I would never have to experience a physical death. That』s not the same as dying and then waking up in Heaven. It truly meant that my human body would never die and I would live forever. That belief affected every decision I made and every course I took in life.

Why did I believe that? How could I possibly accept such an outlandish proposition? Because that』s what I was told was 「the Truth」 from the time I was a small child and then well into my adult years. That』s the power of information control. It convinced me that something so clearly illogical and unrealistic was absolutely true.

When I look at examples in today』s world of how information is spread and what people believe, I see that my experience (although more extreme) is not that uncommon. We all are bombarded every day with news that is designed to convince us what to believe.

It now seems that the days of 「unbiased media」 are over. We have to be more selective about what we choose to take in, digest, and accept as 「truth.」 We will eventually become what we believe and who we are.

This bed of belief is crucial. It determines how our decisions in life are made and what we choose to pursue, fight for and even die for. Does that mean there is an 「absolute truth」 that we are meant to find? Is there really just one path that everyone must follow?

Personally, I don』t think so. 「Absolute truth」 is something that can be verified without question. 「Gravity」 and 「time」 are absolute truths, even though they can』t be adequately explained. Outside of science, our world is a blank canvas and we are free to paint it with whatever colors we choose. We each select our relative truths.

If we find that a 「relative truth」 doesn』t work for us anymore, we have the power to change it. That』s what many of us chose to do when we left the Jehovah』s Witness organization. The 「painting」 we were creating made no sense to us anymore and so, we started a new project. Instead of using only the colors that were being handed to us by others, we found the 「shades of truth」 that appealed to us and started using them.

Now, we begin our own 「masterpiece.」 We keep an eye on our own canvas, without feeling the need to tell our fellow artists how they need to work on their creations. We create and live our lives as we choose. What a great pursuit!

Every day I get to see the artistic works of life that the rest of humankind creates. I can see beauty in what others share and am moved. I』ve met and learned from some truly great 「life-artists」 and look forward to seeing what others choose to do with their life-canvases.

Yes, I used to believe I would never die. But now I believe that I won』t be here forever – and yet I have a chance to leave something behind for others to build on. In that way, maybe I』ll exist in some form beyond my death. Even if the memories of me die once I』m gone, I still had a chance to be here and contribute to this great collection of life. That freedom is something that I cherish and appreciate each day I am alive.

曾經有一段時間我相信我永遠不會死。我確實認為，與歷史上每個人的經歷相反，我永遠不會經歷身體上的死亡。這與死亡然後在天堂中醒來並不相同。這真的意味著我的身體永遠不會死 ，我會永遠活著。這種信念影響了我所做的每一個決定以及我生活中的每一個過程。

我為什麼這麼認為？我怎麼可能接受這樣一個古怪的命題呢？因為那時我被告知的是「真相」，從我小時候開始到成年後。這就是信息控制的力量。它使我確信，一些如此明顯不合邏輯和不切實際的事情絕對是正確的。

當我在今天的世界中看到信息如何傳播和人們相信的例子時，我看到我的經歷（儘管更極端）並不常見。我們每天都受到轟炸，其新聞旨在說服我們相信什麼。

現在看來，「無偏見的媒體」的時代已經結束。我們必須更加挑剔我們選擇接受，消化和接受的事物作為「真理」。我們最終將成為我們的信仰和我們是誰。

這種信仰的床是至關重要的。它決定了我們在生活中做出的決定以及我們選擇追求，爭取甚至死亡的方式。這是否意味著我們有意找到「絕對真理」？每個人都必須遵循一條路嗎？

就個人而言，我不這麼認為。「絕對真理」是可以毫無疑問地得到驗證的東西。「重力」和「時間」是絕對真理，即使它們無法得到充分解釋。在科學之外，我們的世界是一塊空白的畫布，我們可以自由地用我們選擇的任何顏色來畫它。我們每個人都選擇我們的相對真理。

如果我們發現「相對真理」不再適用於我們，我們就有能力改變它。當我們離開耶和華見證組織時，這就是我們許多人選擇做的事情。我們創作的「繪畫」對我們來說毫無意義，因此，我們開始了一個新項目。我們沒有使用其他人傳遞給我們的顏色，而是發現了吸引我們並開始使用它們的「真理色調」。

現在，我們開始自己的「傑作」。我們一直關注自己的畫布，而不需要告訴我們的藝術家他們需要如何創作他們的作品。我們根據自己的選擇創造和生活。真是太棒了！

每天我都能看到人類其他人創造的藝術作品。我可以看到別人分享和感動的美。我見過並從一些真正偉大的「生活藝術家」那裡學到了東西，並期待看到別人選擇用他們的生活畫布做些什麼。

是的，我曾經相信我永遠不會死。但現在我相信我不會永遠在這裡 - 但我有機會留下一些東西讓其他人繼續前進。通過這種方式，也許我會以某種形式存在於我的死亡之外。即使我的記憶在我離開後死去，我仍然有機會來到這裡為這個偉大的生活收集做出貢獻。每一天我都活著，這種自由是我珍惜和欣賞的東西。

___________________

HEALING

「Why am I not better yet? Why can』t I just get over this?」

If, after leaving the Jehovah』s Witnesses, you find yourself asking yourself this type of question, you are not alone. Those of us who have left that religion must first acknowledge is that we were members of a high control group, and as such, we are 「survivors of trauma.」 It may be true that some of us may not have suffered physical injuries. And yet the mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse we suffered still qualifies our traumatic experiences as being 「life-altering.」

How do trauma survivors keep going? What enables someone who has been through devastating events find ways to move forward and even thrive?

I found some interesting and helpful tips at https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/ptsd-trauma.htm. While not everything in that article will apply to former Jehovah』s Witnesses, there are some very good points to keep in mind as you attempt your own recovery.

For instance, I thought these were good points to consider:

• People react in different ways to traumatic events. There are not a 「right」 or 「wrong」 ways to respond. Don』t tell yourself (or anyone else) what you should be thinking, feeling, or doing.
• Avoid obsessively reliving the traumatic event. Repetitious thinking or viewing horrific images over and over can overwhelm your nervous system, making it harder to think clearly.
• Ignoring your feelings will slow recovery. It may seem better in the moment to avoid experiencing your emotions, but they exist whether you』re paying attention to them or not. Even intense feelings will pass if you simply allow yourself to feel what you feel.

In addition to these points, these reminders on how to deal with painful emotions might be helpful:

• Give yourself time to heal and to mourn any losses you』ve experienced.
• Don』t try to force the healing process.
• Be patient with the pace of recovery.
• Be prepared for difficult and volatile emotions.
• Allow yourself to feel whatever you』re feeling without judgment or guilt.
• Learn to reconnect with uncomfortable emotions without becoming overwhelmed.

The main point of this article is that we need to accept that we have work to do – but, we can get through it. Having communities and contacts with others that have been through the same trauma can be very helpful and the keys to feeling empowered and in control of your own life.

Remember that your choices determine who you are and how much enjoyment you can get out of life. We can』t judge others if they need to process things differently. We can try to work together, help each other out, and become part of the support system that we all need.

「為什麼我不是更好？為什麼我不能克服這個？「

如果在離開耶和華見證人之後，你發現自己在問自己這類問題，那麼你並不孤單。我們這些離開這種宗教的人必須首先承認我們是一個高度控制群體的成員，因此，我們是「創傷的倖存者」。我們中的一些人可能沒有遭受過身體傷害。然而，我們遭受的精神，情感和精神虐待仍然使我們的創傷經歷成為「改變生活」。

創傷倖存者如何繼續前進？什麼使得經歷過毀滅性事件的人能夠找到前進甚至茁壯成長的方法？

我在https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/ptsd-trauma.htm找到了一些有趣且有用的提示。雖然並非該文章中的所有內容都適用於前耶和華見證人，但在您嘗試自己的恢復時，請記住一些非常好的要點。

例如，我認為這些是值得考慮的好點：

• 人們以不同的方式對創傷事件作出反應。沒有「正確」或「錯誤」的回應方式。不要告訴自己（或其他任何人）你應該思考，感受或做什麼。
• 避免痴迷地重溫創傷事件。反覆思考或反覆觀看可怕的圖像會壓倒你的神經系統，使得思考清晰起來更加困難。
• 忽視你的感情會減緩恢復。在目前看來，避免經歷情緒似乎更好，但無論你是否注意它們，它們都存在。如果你只是讓自己感受到自己的感受，即使是強烈的感情也會過去。

除了這些要點，這些關於如何處理痛苦情緒的提醒可能會有所幫助：

• 給自己時間治癒並哀悼你所經歷的任何損失。
• 不要試圖強迫癒合過程。
• 請耐心等待康復的步伐。
• 為困難和不穩定的情緒做好準備。
• 讓自己在沒有判斷力或內疚的情況下感受到你的感受。
• 學會重新接觸不舒服的情緒而不會感到不知所措。

本文的重點是我們需要接受我們有工作要做 - 但是，我們可以通過它。與其他經歷過相同創傷的人建立社區和聯繫可能非常有幫助，也是獲得權力和控制自己生活的關鍵。

請記住，您的選擇決定了您的身份以及您可以從生活中獲得多少樂趣。如果他們需要以不同的方式處理事物，我們無法判斷他人。我們可以共同努力，互相幫助，成為我們所有人都需要的支持系統的一部分。

________________

WHAT IS IT?

「It is what it is.」

This is the response I got from two Jehovah』s Witness friends when I started talking about how disappointing it was to have not reached the paradise yet. My point was to discuss how we had never planned on getting older in this system. But my comment was immediately shot down. In unison, both the husband and wife both declared, 「It is what it is.」

The point of their response was to quell my 「complaining spirit.」 I』ve often wondered since that day whether they had heard that sentiment in a talk – or if this was just a phrase they came up with on their own. Either way, their message was clear: No negative talk was allowed about the fact that we were well past the age we』d planned on being in 「this system.」

I think many JWs are beginning to realize the massive implications that belief has had on their lives. They can choose to disconnect and lose all their friends and family but still live a normal life. Or they can shut their eyes and declare, 「It is what it is」 and accept their fate of living an unfulfilled life trapped in a cultish religion.

That was another moment that helped me wake up. I knew that these two had no tolerance for any thoughts outside of the Jehovah』s Witness guidelines. They expected me to trudge through life with them until we were 「delivered at Armageddon,」 whether that event was real or not.

I』ve chosen to move on, live a real life now, and 「take the hit」 of losing everyone I care about. It』s not ideal and there are moments of self-doubt and pain, but, this is now my life. I may never own a tiger or ride on the back of an elephant. But now I am living the way I choose.

I』ve accepted that 「It is what it is.」

______________

CONVENTION RESOLUTIONS

For some reason, I remembered something last night that used to seem very normal to me but now smacks of cult indoctrination.

In the past, it was fairly routine to have 「resolutions」 presented to the audiences at Jehovah』s Witnesses』 summer conventions. These were usually pretty generic in nature and often included the following points:

1. We submit to Jehovah as God
2. We submit to Jesus as King
3. We submit to the 「faithful and discreet slave」 under the direction of Jesus
4. We reject all aspects of Satan』s world:
   a. Politics
   b. Religion
   c. Commerce
   d. The Spirit of the World

5. We will work to keep the organization clean

6. We will do everything in our power to preach

There were probably other items. Some conventions included items with specific wording that would highlight the theme selected that year. But, these points were the bedrock of almost every resolution.

I remember the feeling as each point was read to the crowd. The speaker would wait after each one for the audience to respond with 「AYE!」 The audience would grow louder and more determined every time they shouted out their joint response. By the end of the resolution speeches, the crowd experienced feelings of unity, pride, and 「belonging」 that were overwhelming.

Resolutions were usually adopted at the end of the day so that everyone would leave on a high note. Afterward, the audience seemed pumped up and solid in their dedication and commitment to what they had heard that day.

Having looked at other religions since then, and especially the way a cult works, this event smacks of mind control at its highest level. The pressure to respond positively and loudly was more than could be resisted. The items in the resolution were repetitive and designed to ingrain that group way of thinking even deeper.

The points in the resolutions were specifically created to reaffirm each person』s dedication to the organization. They would potentially get individuals to make changes to do or give even more time and money to support the organization. The crowd was whipped into a fervor, squelching any room for doubt among the attendees.

I recall conversations after these events that were almost always centered around how we all needed 「to simplify and sacrifice」 even more than we were and how we needed to refocus our attention on Kingdom interests.

Now, it reminds me of gatherings of highly emotional religions, cults, or political rallies. The manipulation techniques are sickening when considered in context.

I am grateful that this type of intellectual and emotional control is now no longer part of my life.

「就是這樣。」

這是我從兩位耶和華見證人朋友那裡得到的回應，當時我開始談論尚未到達天堂是多麼令人失望。我的觀點是討論我們從未計劃如何在這個系統中變老。但我的評論立即被擊落。一致同意，丈夫和妻子都宣稱：「它就是這樣。」

他們的反應是平息我的「抱怨精神」。從那天起，我常常想知道他們是否在談話中聽到了這種情緒 - 或者這只是他們自己提出的一句話。無論哪種方式，他們的信息都很明確：沒有任何負面的言論可以說我們已經遠遠超過了我們計划進入「這個系統」的時代。

我想很多JW開始意識到信仰對他們生活的巨大影響。他們可以選擇脫離並失去所有的朋友和家人，但仍然過著正常的生活。或者他們可以閉上眼睛，宣稱「它就是這樣」，並接受他們過著陷入邪教的未完成生活的命運。

那是幫助我醒來的另一個時刻。我知道這兩個人對耶和華見證人指導方針以外的任何想法都沒有寬容。他們希望我和他們一起跋涉，直到我們「在世界末日交付」，無論這個事件是否真實。

我選擇繼續前進，現在過著現實生活，並且「受到打擊」，失去了我關心的每一個人。這不是理想的，有自我懷疑和痛苦的時刻，但是，現在這就是我的生活。我可能永遠不會擁有一隻老虎或騎在大象的背上。但現在我按照我選擇的方式生活。

我已經接受了「它就是它的本質」。

______________

公約決議

出於某種原因，我記得昨晚的一些事情對我來說似乎很正常，但現在卻充滿了邪教的灌輸。

在過去，在耶和華見證人的夏季大會上向觀眾呈現「決議」是相當常規的。這些通常是非常通用的，通常包括以下幾點：

1. 我們服從耶和華為神
2. 我們服從耶穌為王
3. 我們在耶穌的指導下服從「忠心而謹慎的奴隸」
4. 我們拒絕撒旦世界的所有方面：
   a。政治
   b。宗教

   c。商業

   d。世界的精神

5. 我們將努力保持組織的清潔

6. 我們將竭盡全力傳播

可能還有其他項目。一些公約包括具有特定措辭的項目，這些項目將突出當年選定的主題。但是，這幾點幾乎是每個決議的基石。

我記得每個點都被讀到人群的感覺。演講者會在每個演講者之後等待觀眾回答「AYE！」每當他們大聲喊出他們的聯合回應時，觀眾就會變得更響亮，更有決心。在決議演講結束時，人群經歷了團結，驕傲和「歸屬感」的感覺，這些感覺勢不可擋。

通常在一天結束時採用決議，以便每個人都能留下高調。之後，觀眾們似乎充滿了自己的奉獻精神和對當天所聽到的內容的承諾。

從那以後看過其他宗教，特別是邪教的運作方式，這個事件在最高層次上有精神控制。積極和大聲響應的壓力遠遠超過了可以抵制的壓力。決議中的項目是重複性的，旨在使這種群體思維方式更加深入。

決議中的要點專門用於重申每個人對該組織的奉獻精神。他們可能會讓個人做出改變，或者給予更多的時間和金錢來支持組織。人群被激起了熱情，在與會者中壓制了任何懷疑的空間。

我記得在這些事件之後的談話幾乎總是以我們所有人都需要「簡化和犧牲」為中心，甚至超過我們以及如何將注意力重新集中在王國的利益上。

現在，它讓我想起了高度情緒化的宗教，邪教或政治集會的集會。在上下文中考慮時，操縱技術令人作嘔。

我很感激這種智力和情感控制現在不再是我生活的一部分。

___________________________

LETTING THE PAST GO

How can the past be put into context? What can help us avoid looking at the past as a definition of a person』s worth for either ourselves or others?

I』ve struggled with this issue and finally found a way to mentally categorize things, making it easier to put everything in perspective.

I envision each person to be like a flower. They are beautiful, fragrant and temporary. They should be appreciated and valued while they are here, just as they are. However, the growth of a flower isn』t always a pretty thing.

Flowers are fed by a variety of things from the time they are planted. Water, sunshine, and food all contribute to the flower』s blossoms. But other less noble things also pitch in. Fertilizer, compost, rotting vegetation, and even manure are also responsible for helping things along.

However, when you smell a flower』s fragrance, do you picture the manure that fed it? Do you see the rotting vegetation involved as you contemplate its petals?

Probably not. Instead, you see the current vision of its beauty and you smell its sweet aroma. The flower』s current state is all that you see. Everything that helped it become what it is now has been converted and contributes to its beauty.

I think we』re like this too. We have a past that includes wonderful events and noble acts. It likely also has darker parts that are less than desirable. These things fed our character and created the 「flower」 of our current person. When we consider the person alone, we can appreciate the beauty that has resulted. We don』t really need to remember or dwell on the 「lesser」 events that have also helped the person grow into what they are today.

Thinking of past events in this light has helped me see the value of everything that happens to a person. There are things I hate remembering about my past, certain actions or times when I acted less than honorably or things were done to me. I see the same thing in other people』s past too. But, those things shaped the individual that I now love and value.

The past is just food for the present. It builds us and crafts us into who we are now. Regardless of feelings about specific events, the past has value. Put into this context, I am finding ways of letting the past go and appreciating what is right in front of me.

如何將過去置於背景之中？什麼可以幫助我們避免將過去視為一個人對自己或他人的價值的定義？

我一直在努力解決這個問題，最終找到了一種精神上對事物進行分類的方法，使得更容易將所有內容都放在一邊。

我想像每個人都像一朵花。它們美麗，芬芳，暫時。他們在這裡時應該受到讚賞和重視，就像他們一樣。然而，花的生長並不總是一件好事。

從種植時起，鮮花就會被各種各樣的東西餵養。水，陽光和食物都有助於花朵的開花。但其他不那麼高貴的東西也在投入。肥料，堆肥，腐爛的植被，甚至糞便也有助於提供幫助。

然而，當你聞到花香的味道時，你會想像喂它的糞便嗎？當你想到它的花瓣時，你是否看到腐爛的植被？

可能不會。相反，你會看到它的美麗的當前願景，你聞到它的甜美香氣。花的當前狀態就是你所看到的。一切有助於它成為現在的東西已經被改變並有助於它的美麗。

我想我們也是這樣的。我們的過去包括精彩的活動和高尚的行為。它可能還有較暗的部分，不太理想。這些東西孕育了我們的性格，並創造了我們當前人的「花」。當我們單獨考慮這個人時，我們可以欣賞到已經產生的美。我們並不需要記住或沉溺於那些也幫助這個人成長為今天的「較小」事件。

從這個角度思考過去的事件有助於我看到發生在一個人身上的一切事物的價值。有些事情我討厭記得我的過去，某些行為或時間，當我的行為不那麼光榮或事情已經完成。我在其他人的過去也看到了同樣的事情。但是，那些事物塑造了我現在喜愛和重視的個人。

過去只是現在的食物。它構建了我們並將我們塑造成我們現在的樣子。無論對特定事件的感受如何，過去都具有價值。在這種情況下，我正在尋找方法讓過去去欣賞我面前的正確事物。

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