【文書大類】硬體超強申牛劍，一篇PS拒門外

10-12

來自專欄牛津公派博士小課堂25 人贊了文章

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【文書大類】下文章索引：

【文書大類】硬體超強申牛劍，一篇PS拒門外

【文書大類】留學申請文書PS寫作剖析第1例-01

【文書大類】留學申請文書PS寫作剖析第1例-02

【文書大類】留學申請文書PS寫作剖析第1例-03

【文書大類】留學申請文書PS寫作剖析第1例-04

【文書大類】留學申請文書PS寫作中的MINUSES

【文書大類】留學申請文書PS寫作中難以自知的中式思維

【文書大類】留學申請文書PS寫作剖析第2例

【文書大類】留學申請文書修改的正確打開方式

【文書大類】留學文書拒絕無良中介-01

正文：

本文主人公是一位18FALL申牛津CS的學弟，18FALL最終申請失利，拿到了曼大的offer，不甘心，決心GAP一年繼續19FALL重申。

拿到學弟CV的時候有點懵：國內TOP5本碩，本科GPA排名2/205，本碩期間共6篇文章，其中4篇SCI，2篇1作，2篇2作。根據以往案例，此類型硬體申牛津CS博士勝率很高。然而深入分析其申請過程後，不禁唏噓：

申請規劃太晚且沒有套磁，12月零星發了幾份郵件無果而終；
PS和RP按照我們的標準，連初稿質量都沒有達到，卻直接拿去網申。

此文重點分析該同學的整篇PS：

首段

Initially, I contacted Professor X and wanted to do my doctoral research in X under her supervision. After getting permission from X, I believe that I am capable, regarding academic background, research and work experience, to apply for a doctoral placement at the Department of Computer Science, University of Oxford.

主體第一段

Graduating from X in its X Engineering BSc programme, I have obtained a solid foundation academically and achieved outstanding result in my study. During the undergraduate stage, I got an average overall GPA of X, ranking in the top 1% students among X undergraduates in the course, with many remarkable honors, e.g. National Scholarship, X Scholarship, Excellent Student of X (Top Prize), Outstanding X Leader, and etc.

主體第二段

My excellent performance is not only demonstrated in theoretical study but also in lab practice. I spend most of my spare time in the laboratory in debugging laboratory apparatus or calculating experiment data. I conducted independent research, for instance, the design of X. I was enrolled in the X of China, participating in the research on X system. Based on my research projects, I have completed 4 papers, which were accepted by A, B, C, D, respectively. Also, an English paper will be submitted to E before X. Besides, another paper about X has been submitted to F. Recently, I am concentrated on a paper about X via X method.

結尾段

I do want to pursue my doctoral studies at the University of Oxford. Oxford, well known for its spirit of creativity, excellence of academic atmosphere and the diversity in culture, will provide me a better prospected environment in scientific research, where I can grow successfully to be an expert in the field of X. In Oxford, I will get the chance of learning from the most reputable professors and acquainting myself with elites from the whole world. In my postgraduate period, I hope to make more progress in the research and have my papers published in top journals. My dream is to be a university teacher, devoting my whole life in researching for more advanced knowledge and imparting my knowledge to more students. Thus, after doctoral studies, I want to enter a leading university to start my teaching career and continue with my research projects.

綜合評價：

整體：整篇為流水賬形式，無切入，無過度，無高潮。從reviewer的角度，我無法看出此申請者任何特殊之處；
首段：空洞且無說服力，且所提及的professor並未在套磁過程中有任何positive feedback，此處空穴來風為一大忌；
主體段：完全是CV的搬運，從GPA到文章發表到獎勵，與CV主體內容無異。之前小課堂提過，CV是骨架，PS是血肉。主體段落作為reviewer只能看到骨架；
結尾段：沒有將short-term goal與Long-term goal緊密聯繫，未提及從oxford可以得到的實際資源如何助力之後的所有goals，reviewer第一感覺是完全套模板，這裡套用任何一個學校都可以用；
語言：純中式思維，全篇基本都是baby language，完全口語化表達；
邏輯：西方文化最注重的論證邏輯性完全沒有體現，每一段落沒有環環緊扣，散落無序。簡單來說，就是「我就是很牛逼；我就是很想去牛津」而不是「我為什麼很牛逼，哪些論點論據證明我很牛逼；我為什麼要來牛津，牛津為什麼一定要錄取我」。

結語：

此學弟research proposal存在同樣嚴重問題，但由於專業定向性較強，此處不予解析。綜合PS和RP，作為系裡的reviewer，我會直接把他的材料歸為C檔，連與第二輪申請者同時考慮的機會都不會給。

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